What If Roshar Went to Disney? - Because Why Not?
Roshar—a world of storms, spren, and more emotional baggage than Kaladin’s entire Bridge Four crew can carry. With Wind & Truth gracing us today, we thought we’d try something a little different than our normal style by imagining what our beloved (and not-so-beloved) characters would look like if Disney gave them the animated treatment. Because nothing says “character study in trauma” like swirling golden lights and impeccably tousled hair. So, without further ado, here’s Roshar: animated, exaggerated, and infused with just the right amount of sparkle.
1. Kaladin: The Windrunner We All Want to Hug (But He’d Probably Just Brood Instead)
Everyone’s favorite emotionally devastated Windrunner looks dashing enough to lead a Disney musical—if his song weren’t 47 verses of melancholic staring into the storm. With his windswept hair and those haunted blue eyes, Kaladin gives us “prince charming meets tortured poet,” all while somehow making self-loathing look heroic. Someone get this man a hug. And maybe a therapy spren.
2. Shallan: Queen of Quips, Trauma, and Questionable Coping Mechanisms
Shallan Davar: the only Disney princess who can sketch her way out of an identity crisis. With her vibrant hair and radiant attire (pun absolutely intended), she looks ready to light up the screen—quite literally. Just don’t ask her to pick a personality for the finale; she’s still deciding. Bonus points for keeping a literal army of illusions more organized than her feelings.
3. Dalinar & Navani: The Power Couple Who Conquer Trauma One Stanza at a Time
Dalinar, reimagined as the stern yet soft-hearted Disney king, wears his polished armor like he’s about to lecture a castle full of knights on the glory of unity—and then wrestle his inner demons in a thunderstorm. Navani, the radiant queen of invention, sparkles beside him with her calculated brilliance and impeccable hair. Together, they’re the kind of power couple who could rebuild kingdoms or star in a surprisingly emotional Disney sequel.
4. Jasnah: The Disney Villain You Secretly Root For (Except She’s Actually a Hero)
Jasnah Kholin strides onto the screen like the heroine Disney never knew it needed. Draped in regal purple and framed by an ancient library, she’s the sharp-tongued queen who could defeat you with a glare—or a killer philosophical argument. But let’s be honest: we’d all vote for her even if she were a villain, because justice has never looked this good.
5. Adolin: The Literal Disney Prince We’ve All Been Waiting For
Adolin Kholin is what happens when you pour sunshine, loyalty, and a little bit of fashion obsession into a prince mold. Golden locks? Check. Dazzling smile? Double check. Devoted to his wife and always ready to fight for what’s right? That’s a Disney-certified triple check. Now if only someone could animate his Shardblade-wielding poses…
6. Wit: The Narrator You Didn’t Know You Needed (But Definitely Deserved)
In classic Disney style, Wit is the narrator who breaks the fourth wall, insults everyone equally, and still manages to charm the audience. His flowing hair and sly grin make him the ultimate scene-stealer—just don’t let him catch you calling him a side character. He’s a leading man in his own mind, thank you very much.
7. Lopen: The Once-One-Armed Herdazian Who’s Basically a Walking Comedy Sidekick
If there’s a character Disney was born to animate, it’s Lopen. With his unshakable optimism, endless quips, and ability to turn a single arm into comedic gold, Lopen would be the hero’s comic relief—except he’s way too cool for that.
8. Eshonai: The Warrior Torn Between Worlds
Eshonai would be the noble and tragic figure in this Disney reimagining, caught between her love for her people and the darkness that consumes her. Add a dramatic storm, flowing armor, and a sweeping orchestral score, and you’ve got a character destined for an emotional flashback montage.
9. Lift: The Girl Who Eats Pancakes and Stays Awesome
Lift is pure Disney magic wrapped in a mischievous grin. With her wild hair and pocket full of pancakes, she’s the street-smart kid who saves the day with sass, charm, and a healthy disregard for authority. Every scene she’s in is guaranteed to be hilarious, heartwarming, or both.
10. Rock: The Ultimate Sidekick with the Best One-Liners
Rock is the kind-hearted giant Disney always includes for comic relief. Picture him making stew, cracking jokes, and reminding us all that heroes need food and family to win the day.
11. Renarin: The Quiet Hero Who Surprises Everyone
Renarin’s Disney look screams “awkward prince who discovers his inner strength.” He’d get a quiet, heartfelt song that turns into a powerful anthem, proving once and for all that the best heroes are the unexpected ones.
12. Syl: The Sparkling Sidekick with a Smile
Sylphrena would glide into the Disney universe as the ultimate winged companion—half Tinker Bell, half celestial wonder. With her radiant glow, mischievous grin, and unwavering loyalty to Kaladin, Syl is the kind of spren who would steal every scene. Of course, she’d also pause to scold you for standing too close to the edge of a cliff. Her Disney debut would come with glittering wings and more sparkles than a meteor shower.
13. Moash: The Villain Everyone Loves to Hate
Moash. The Disney villain we don’t sympathize with, don’t root for, and don’t want to hear a tragic backstory about. His animated design would undoubtedly include brooding eyes and a dramatic cape, but let’s face it, we’d spend the whole movie rooting for Kaladin to punch him in the face. Twice. No redemptive ballad, no second chances—just a reminder that betrayal gets you a one-way ticket to the "absolutely not" list.
So there you have it—a world where Roshar meets Disney magic. Whether you’re Team Broody Windrunner or rooting for the Royal Power Couple, one thing’s for sure: these characters were made for the screen. Now if only we could convince Disney to give us a musical number about Bridge Four…